Common questions about counseling, therapy, psychotherapy, and coaching in Montclair

So you found a therapist in Montclair. You looked at their website, profile on Psychology Today, and had a consultation with them. You are nervous but have booked your first session. At this point you have handled all of the logistics. It’s an hour now before your first session. You feel nervous. You realize that you aren’t really sure what to expect. Questions start to run through your mind. Your stomach starts to turn. It’s okay. This is a perfectly normal reaction. Starting therapy can be scary. Below is a list of questions that have come up with the clients I have worked with. 

Common questions about therapy

Do you really understand me?

Yes and no. People end up with me after doing a consultation. That means we’ve spoken and you gave me a general overview of what’s going on. So I might have an idea of what brought you to therapy. But it would be arrogant of me to believe that I have a strong grasp of what’s going on based off of a 15-minute phone call. I’ll really start to get to know you over the course of our first few sessions. A therapist may have an understanding of you initially but it will certainly deepen with time. 

Am I crazy?

This is a question that always comes out with the clients I work with. It’s a loaded question. My experience has been that what my clients are really looking for is assurance and connection. Since this is a heavy question right out of the gate I use a response to help put them at ease. I typically reply, with a stoic face, “Yes you are crazy.” There is a moment of stunned silence. Then I smile warmly and add “It’s okay. I am too.” I consider myself to be a rational person. Yet in crazy or stressful situations I can totally flip into full on crazy mode. And that’s ok. In reality every person I have ever worked with has periods where they are crazy.   

Am I overreacting?

I love this question. I certainly explore it with clients. There seems to be two consistent themes with it. One is that people are aware they are not overreacting and are actually looking for reassurance.  

The other theme comes up when we actually determine they are overreacting. A sample exchange below outlines how unresolved events and emotions from the past predispose us to overreacting in the present. 

Client: Am I overreacting by considering divorcing my husband because he didn’t take me on a date?

Me: Does this happen often?

Client: It’s happened once before.

Me: Remind me how long y’all have been together.

Client: 23 years.

Me: When he doesn’t take you on a date what do you feel?

Client: That he doesn’t like me.

Me: And that makes you feel….

Client: Like I felt when I was a kid and my parents couldn’t be bothered with me.

Me: So is this really about your husband or is it about feelings from the past?

Client: It’s my parents. 

Me: Then you are probably overreacting towards your husband.

Should I quit my job/end my relationship? 

This is the ultimate hot potato that new clients (and old clients) sometimes throw at me. Basically, “Hey we just met but please make this really important decision for me.” I go ahead and return that one right back to them. Maybe you should quit your job or end your relationship. Maybe you shouldn’t. As much as I sometimes want to direct other people it’s best if I don’t. A lot of my work is focused on empowering my clients to become captains of their own ships. To direct their lives themselves. I am always happy to talk through big decisions. But at the end of the day they are not my decisions to make.  

Is it really necessary to talk about my childhood? 

A decent number of new clients tell me “I am not here to talk about my childhood.” I usually then take off my glasses and show them to the client. I talk about how my glasses help me see. I then describe how the way I see the world is based on my previous experiences. One of the first places that we learn to form and act in relationships is in our childhood. I have yet to meet a person who has not been influenced in some capacity by their childhood. For example, I feel like I had a great childhood. I didn’t see any need to discuss it in my own therapy. However I now see how my childhood influences me. I am tireless in supporting those that are close to me. I care about them and that means that I will move heaven and Earth to be there for them. This goes back to my childhood where my parents instilled in me the importance of supporting those we love. Who I am today is the sum of all of my previous experiences. My clients are the same. 

Why am I so weak? 

This is always one of my favorite questions from clients. Some express feelings of weakness for not being able to manage. I go ahead and jump in right away and let them know that if they are weak then so am I since I have been in therapy for years. Then we start to talk about where that feeling of weakness comes from. Asking for help is far from being weak. It is actually a demonstration of strength. It takes a strong person to invite someone into their lives and be vulnerable. 

A free therapy consultation in Montclair 

I hope this helps you find the right therapist in Montclair. While there are a lot of therapists in Montclair, and plenty of people are looking for a therapist, not every therapist is the right fit for every person looking for one. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to call me at (973)-978-5502 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person.